You can cry, for one day, you will smile again
You can weep, for one day, you will laugh again
You can mourn, for one day, you will rejoice again
You can bleed, for one day, you will start to heal again
You can go silent, for one day, you will speak again
You can lose your ground, for one [...]

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My heart is so sad. Where is the light of my day? How much longer must this madness go on? Your patience outdoes me, Lord. Your ways are longer than mine. My heart aches for rest – rest of the eternal kind. Have I missed something, God? Logic fails me and my heart seeks clarity.
Have [...]

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Looking back at the past few months of my life, I sometimes stop and wonder - did all that surrealness really happen to us? I look back at the blog and at an immense archive of unsorted pictures from Taiwan and I am reminded that - yes, it did happen. And it was real.

When we [...]

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It’s Easter in Sweden and spring is on its way. The snow has melted, but the winds are still cold.

My dad got restless on Thursday and there was somewhere he just had to go.

We took the train and traveled north,

…to Smögen, my mother’s island on the West Coast of Sweden.

My dad bought flowers.

Purple flowers. Just [...]

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Dad, do you remember?
Two years ago on Monday you called me from Sweden at 5 am Niger time, to tell me that my mother had drawn her last breath. My heart panicked and I asked you, are you sure? Are you really, really sure she’s gone?

You were so brave. You strengthened me. You asked nothing [...]

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On Monday last week, my world took a sinister turn. I was on horseback when my father called me from Taiwan to tell me that he was getting married and that I could not inform anyone else about this for the time being. The woman in question is a new friend he met only two [...]

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Today, I reread some old posts as I was moving them over from Ishtar News. One of them was Trusting the impossible. Here is an excerpt:

My mother and I, Cyprus 1983
…Now, that little voice I was talking about two posts ago has been proclaiming lately that her time is up and that from now on, [...]

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Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Strangely, answering the standard greeting phrase “How are you doing?” in a single word (or sentence!) is harder than explaining faith to someone who doesn’t believe. Although I cannot answer “Fine” or “All is well” when asked how things [...]

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There are different times for everything.
 
There is a time to be joyful, and a time to be sad.
There is a time to laugh, and a time to cry.
This should be a time of darkness,
and similar situations have previously tormented my soul.
This time however, it’s all different.
I feel neither fear nor despair, for there is [...]

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After a very painful night with no sleep, my mother was finally brought to hospital early yesterday morning by ambulance. My sister and I joined her a few hours later and stayed until reception hours were over; having a very good time together.
I have decided to stay off work for some time, even though I [...]

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My mother and I, Cyprus 1983
Once again, I don’t exactly know what to say, but the difference between tonight and two posts ago is that this time, I’m not feeling down. Things have been looking very gloomy indeed and my mother is getting weaker by the day. Today, she could hardly walk and her body [...]

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It’s been a long time since I was down. Despite my mother’s illness, May was a month of hope and I had a heavenly song of joy singing in my heart. June was a month of family reunion and celebration. Now is a time of… I don’t really know, for sure. Internal battle, perhaps?
There is [...]

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I never thought that baring one’s soul and facing one’s worst fears could be so exhaustive, but it certainly is. Last time things got bad - when this whole journey started in January 2005 and my mom was evacuated from Niger - I reacted by going into shock when the whole thing was over and [...]

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I am heartbroken.
We were informed last night that my mother’s cancer has returned, and what seemed to be a somewhat stable situation has been shredded to pieces in a fortnight.
Tears are flowing constantly, but I do not expect them to stop. I love my mother so much.
I lift my head high and seek the Lord, [...]

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